A good laugh heals a lot of hurts
Laughter helps us stay
mentally healthy and improves the quality of life. Always find a reason to
laugh. It may not add years to your life but will surely add life to your
years.
Laughter is the best medicine; priceless medicine, fun, free and easy to use. A good, hearty laughter exercises and relaxes our body muscles, improves our respiration. Studies show that laughter has an anti-inflammatory effect that protects the blood vessels around the heart. This protects the heart from cardiovascular diseases. Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect us against heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.
Laughter is the corrective force which prevents us from becoming cranks. I have not seen anyone dying of laughter, but I know millions who are dying because they are not laughing.
Laughter makes the soul sparkle. Animals have no function of
laughing or suicide; only human beings know
this function !
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. Laugh a lot, it burns a lot of calories. Laughing is, and will always be, the best form of therapy. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies and temporarily relieves pain. Laughing increases our intake of oxygen-rich air, helping our heart and muscles. It activates our stress response -- increasing heart rate and blood pressure -- and then cools it down, leaving us with a sense of relaxation.
Sometimes we laugh by remembering the days we cried. And we cry by remembering the days we laughed. Spend time with people who make you laugh. The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. Laughter has a great way of bringing different people together. Draws people closer to each other. Laughter can even unite people during difficult times.
Don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing !
Keep an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out.
What key won't open any door? A turkey.
People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
A man goes to library and asks for a book on Suicide......... Librarian looks at him and says: "hello.. who will return the book ? "
A woman went shopping. At the cash counter she opened her purse to pay. The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse. He couldn't control his curiosity and asked, "Do you always carry your TV remote with you?" She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today ......... The shopkeeper laughs and takes back all the items that lady had purchased. Shocked at this act, she asks the shopkeeper what is he doing. He said your husband has blocked your credit card .........
Do You Know Me ?
How could an innocent question like "Do you know me? " end up like this? And why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern
small town
prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand -- a
grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, " Mrs.
Jones, do you know me ? " She responded, " Why, yes I do know you, Mr.
Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've
been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you
manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a
big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to
anything more than a two bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you. " The lawyer was
stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked,
" Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney ? " She again replied, " Why
yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy,
bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship
with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state.
Not to mention, he cheated on his wife with three different women -- one of
them was your wife. Yes, I know him. " The defense attorney almost died. The
judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet
voice, said, " If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll
throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."
Guy walks out of the restroom... Girl says: "Sir your garage door is open... Guy asks: "Did you see my Harley"... Girl says: "No, I saw a mini bike with two flat tires".
No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words 'complete' and 'finished' in a way that's so easy to understand:
Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED, but there is:
When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE.... And when you marry the wrong one, you are
FINISHED.....
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ... COMPLETELY FINISHED
!
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer: "Ok." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure, you told me to write "click" and I wrote "click"
10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope, and Johnny Cash. Now we have no Jobs, no Hope, and no Cash .....
Laugh while you still have teeth.
If you can't laugh at yourself, call me... I'll laugh at you.